Nebraska Pam - A Ballad

America has legends like Paul Bunyan with his ax
Old Pecos Bill the cowboy who left fables in his tracks
Those two and Casey at the Bat aren’t worth a tinkers dam
Not once you’ve heard the story of our gal, Nebraska Pam.

Now Eagle, which our Pam called home, is famous for its track
And our intrepid heroine was leader of the pack.
So when the boys from Lincoln showed up racing gloves and all
It’s Pam that met them on the road and made them all feel small.

“That graveyard over there,” she said “Will let you fellas know,
We folk ‘round here we play for keeps and never just for show.
So if you’re ready, got the balls, to put it on the line
I’ll race the best you’ve brought along tomorrow, here, at nine.”

Well nine o’clock the stands were filled ‘cause word had got around
That Pam was gonna put those Lincoln upstarts in the ground.
The Lincoln Journal Star were there as was The Eagle News
And near a thousand people with their jackets stuffed with booze.

The checkered flag it dropped like some demonic guillotine
The fumes choked trackside fans with nitro mixed with gasoline.
The Lincoln man, one Wesley Jones, was first to pop the clutch
But Pam was on him like a peg-legged pirate on a crutch.

The first lap had them battlin’ hard and bumpin’ when they could
The folks from Eagle gasped and cheered like loyal Eaglites should
The Lincoln fans just sat and looked, quite frankly, awfully bored
Because they felt that Wesley Jones would put Pam to the sword.

The next five laps were much the same with Wesley in control
Pam’s Firebird was smoking as the hard laps took their toll.
She skidded as she passed the trees out by the western fence
Then hit the rail and bounced off hard – the atmosphere was tense.

On lap fifteen the track dirt flew as Wesley hit her wheel
While slewing hard to stay in front of Pam’s auto-mobile.
She went hard left and old Wes hit the north wall with a jar
The race seemed won but Pam braked hard and jumped out of her car.

What noble act, the crowd all thought, are we about to see?
Will Pam display a sportsmanship that will make history?
She strode up to poor Wesley, and his Lexus in the sand
She reached into the car as if to shake him by the hand

The grandstand rose in awe as Pam seemed bent on letting Wes
Avoid humiliation by a racer with a dress
She grabbed her foe’s ignition key and pulled it slowly out
Then THREW it AS FAR AS SHE COULD and with a mighty shout

Ran back to the old Firebird, the pedal hit the floor
The car and Pam shot o’er the line to all of Eagle’s roar.
So Casey at the Bat fell short when he fanned at strike three
But Pam came through in spades and struck her place in history.

So let us leave this noble tale with one last noble thought
And think about the lesson Pam’s amazing actions taught
The better folk among us say it’s good enough to win;
Far better yet, as Pam’s arm proved, you’ve got to rub it in.